So yesterday, the 17th of Dec., 2016 – My husband and I completed 5 years of marriage. In about a week from now, on the 23rd of December, we will have completed 11 years from that handcrafted-by-God-himself moment, in the distant past when I said ‘Yes’ !
Last night while driving back home from our usual weekend visits to the in-laws, the man popped a question – “What is you favourite color?”
With an eyebrow raised and a curious smile I responded..” White?” – the question mark ‘cuz I thought he already knew. It didn’t stop with that. He continued…
“Your favourite chocolate?”
Me: ” Well…there’s a lot…Twix? KitKat Crunchy? Cadbury Fruit and Nuts?” – This time I turned myself entirely towards him in the car seat, extremely interested as to where this was leading.
“Your favourite song?”
Me: ” Ok that’s just as unfair question. There’s way too many…..Off the top of my head right now….mmmm….For the First Time by the Script? Ok, enlighten me. What is this about?????!
With his ultimate goal in life being absolutely nothing but to annoy me as usual, he responded, “Nothing…just trying to get to know you better”, with that unbelievably heart-stopping smile that had me hooked at my door-step at approximately 1:30 pm on 11th September…in the year 2005!
♫♪ For the first time….♫♪
… played the song in my mind and the lyrics on my lips as we continued to drive home….
I first heard this song in the year 2010. I had left to the UK to pursue my degree in Psychology. My then boyfriend (now husband), as supportive and encouraging as he was – seemed to be struggling with a deeply consuming sadness for the obvious reasons. The man being the person that he was/is, only knew to express the sadness, including the growing and aching love within himself, by releasing his bottled up feelings in large volcanic outbursts of anger, every other day when I called to speak to him.
I, on the other hand, deeply looked forward to warm conversations, out of the very same deep sadness of being away; the growing and aching love; and everything and more that falls in the package of a distant relationship.
Two of us. Two different personalities. Two different ways of expressing emotions. One love. The struggle was REAL and the conflicts UNBEARABLE!!!
It took a while until he realized that it wasn’t helping either of us, his use of maddening anger, screaming and picking unreasonable fights – as a way to express how much he missed me in my absence.
And so one night, as I walked back home from University on a cold snowy night (that had left me with a frozen blue nose), thinking about a fight we’d just had earlier that morning, and insanely struggling to keep myself from crying as I walked – I received a text from him that said ” Check your inbox as soon as you reach home”.
…and this was all it took for me understand the gravity of the conflicting emotions that he was going through being away from me.
♫♪ Oh these times are hard…Yeah they’re making us crazy….Don’t give up on me baby♫♪ … and the song faded back into my heart as our car pulled over at our parking space below our apartment last night….
As I had once reflected upon in another piece that I posted in the “When Music Speaks for Me” blog, music often speaks where words fail to express. And now when I think of it, some of my favourite songs are all related to a strong and beautiful memory in the past, thanks to my husband who often used music to say what he otherwise couldn’t through mere words.
♫♪ So we’re gonna start by
Drinking old cheap bottles of wine,
Sit talking up all night,
Saying things we haven’t for a while
A while, yeah,
We’re smiling but we’re close to tears,
Even after all these years,
We just now got the feeling that we’re meeting.. For the first time..♫♪
Happy 5th , 11th and an eternity to come baby. 🙂